two is better than one?

i woke up dis morning,feeling some kind of emptiness in me..sigh~..i feel,u know..alone..i feel like disengaging from the entire world..dis happens several times before and me myself hav no idea for why i should be feeling this way..maybe,i miss my mum..my daddy..my bro..home..or maybe..him?..

let me ask you something..is it wrong to miss sumone?(silly,i know)..okay,there's nothing wrong wif dat..it just dat..sigh~~(how am i goin to put this in words??))..

it's actually..at this kind of time,i dont feel like i need *him anymore..weird?..sigh~~

he's been good to me..always..(except for one time..he knows dis,n i dun hav to write those down coz i dun feel like telling d whole world bout dat silly old time we had..haishhhh~)

he's kind..he is..

he's sweet..dats d best part..

i mean..he's d one dat fits me best..

but..i dont know why..

maybe it's just me..

i know myself very well..of course i do..

im an undecided-hard-to-understand type of person..

i hardly make my own decisison..i always need guidance from my parents to help me in like,everythings..

for once,i thought maybe, involving in a serious-long-period relationship is gonna be a big move dat can fill my life up..but i guess,i might be wrong..haishhh~

i have big dream..i dont feel like giving up my dream to sumone else..all i want is dat,to reach the highest point of life,be successful and live well..and i tell u what,i would rather let *him go than giving up my dream..so that,i can do watever i want to get whatever i desire..selfish??..i know i am..but,im 20 (comin to 21 by june) and im young and i want only the best for myself..i mean,sticking wif sumone is what i see unnecessary and should be avoided,if possible..im not saying dat im letting him go , i just want a more flexible kind of relationship..for *him to allow me to go as far as i want..because now,i realise,when it comes to making decision,he will be one of my priorities..i mean,i would actually consider what will happen to both of us if i do dat,if i do this,if i want that,if i want dis and watsoever..i must say,he's a part of me now and how could i just ignore his acceptance to my decisions?..i must think bout him in watever im doing or will be doing..whether its good for me,bad for him or the other way round..im looking at this as a not-good development of our relationship..ok,dis simply shows that i love him and he (i think) love me as well..but,the thing is,(to what i believe), as long as we are not married,i should put more attention and be selfish to myself rather than thinking bout the two of us..dont get me wrong,i want him but i want to achieve my dream more..its just dat,im an ordinary small tiny daddy's little girl with big heart and huge dreams..

but, again..i must repeat dis:he's a good guy..i cant let him go..no,i cant..ok,dats final..(for now..hmmm..)

he used to say dis to me:i dont want to stop u from achieving ur dream..dont let me be the limit..just go..do watever u think is good to u..(he did not exactly said dis,but he meant dis)..

he's sweet..i know..so,i think..yes,two is better than one..

dear Allah,pls help us both..aminnnn~

ps:sweetheart,i love you.. :)